© Adam Granger
“STOP IT! JUST STOP IT!” THERAPY CENTERS
2-26-03
ANN: And now, a word from “Stop it! Just stop it!” Therapy Centers:
Let’s join Andy Johnson as he winds up a conventional therapy session:
THERAPIST: . . .there’s not really much information on how cats react to sulking, and what there is, is anecdotal.
PATIENT: I do try not to sulk.
T: Well, that’s all you can do. Now, in the time left, let’s talk about those feelings of emptiness you’ve been having.
P: I don’t know, Dr Smith. I wake up in the morning and I stare at the ceiling, and my life just seems. . . empty.
T: Sure. Sure.
P: So I just lie there staring at the ceiling. And I think about sitting up, but then I’d just be staring at the wall.
T: Sure. Sure. Go with that “empty” piece, Mr Johnson. . .
P: Please. . .Andy.
T: Andy.
P: Well, it’s just that, ever since I moved out of Dorothy’s place—“Dotty”, I used to call her—I feel. . .I don’t know. . .I guess I feel sort of empty.
T: Yes. Empty. Empty like. . .?
P: Empty like. . .the ceiling!
T: And. . .?
P: . . .And the wall! Dr Smith I think we’re making some real progress here!
T: Good, good! Well, our time is up for today; I’ll see you next week. In the meantime, work on owning that emptiness. Get comfortable with it.
(they get up)
P: Okay.
T: Oh, and my receptionist still needs your insurance information.
P: Oh, yeah. I’ll get that from my boss tomorrow. Goodbye, Dr Smith.
T: Goodbye Mr Johnson─
P: ─Andy.
T: Andy.
ANN: How many times does this scene repeat itself in counseling sessions across America every day? Patients drone on, week after week, year after year. All around them, babies are born and people die and buildings are built and presidents are elected and these people just go on and on. How many hours wasted, how much energy expended, how much money squandered on conversations about owning emptiness and feng-shui? What these people need is a good talking to. Listen to what happens to Mr Johnson─
P: Andy.
ANN: ─when Andy visits his local “Stop it! Just stop it!” Therapy Center:
P: You know, Dr Fanning, I lie in bed in the morning, and the cracks in my ceiling remind me of my neuroses. Sometimes they connect to each other and intertwine and make a new bigger crack─just like my neuroses do--and other times they just travel along by themselves until they hit the wall. I can handle it okay when one or two of my neuroses hit the wall, but last week, three came down on me all at once. It was like. . .it was like chunks of plaster falling off the ceiling onto my face. First, I had to go down to the basement. That’s neurosis number one: going underground. I was on my knees getting my cat who had crawled behind the workbench, and there staring me in the face was a hacksaw. Bingo: Neurosis number two. Then--
T: (screams) STOP IT! JUST STOP IT!
P: What?
T: You’re going on and on about your basement and your cat and your hacksaw. Just stop it! My niece just had a toe chopped off, and you have the temerity to prattle on about your ceiling.
P: Well—I’m sorry. I thought I was here to--
T: You’re here to get over it. SO JUST GET OVER IT! JUST CUT IT OUT!
P: Well, all right. I—I guess I could try that.
T: Please do. It’s indescribably tedious! Do you talk like this to your friends?
P: I don’t really have any friends.
T: Well, see? JUST CUT IT OUT! Now go home and paint your ceiing and hang a picture on your wall.
P: Well, all right, Dr Smith. I will!
T: Great. Goodbye. NEXT!?
ANN: See how it works? Five minutes tops; in and out; that’s it. If you or someone you know needs a good talking-to, call the “Stop it! Just stop it!” Therapy Center nearest you. Maybe you just need to hear someone say,
T: “STOP IT! JUST STOP IT!”
2-26-03
ANN: And now, a word from “Stop it! Just stop it!” Therapy Centers:
Let’s join Andy Johnson as he winds up a conventional therapy session:
THERAPIST: . . .there’s not really much information on how cats react to sulking, and what there is, is anecdotal.
PATIENT: I do try not to sulk.
T: Well, that’s all you can do. Now, in the time left, let’s talk about those feelings of emptiness you’ve been having.
P: I don’t know, Dr Smith. I wake up in the morning and I stare at the ceiling, and my life just seems. . . empty.
T: Sure. Sure.
P: So I just lie there staring at the ceiling. And I think about sitting up, but then I’d just be staring at the wall.
T: Sure. Sure. Go with that “empty” piece, Mr Johnson. . .
P: Please. . .Andy.
T: Andy.
P: Well, it’s just that, ever since I moved out of Dorothy’s place—“Dotty”, I used to call her—I feel. . .I don’t know. . .I guess I feel sort of empty.
T: Yes. Empty. Empty like. . .?
P: Empty like. . .the ceiling!
T: And. . .?
P: . . .And the wall! Dr Smith I think we’re making some real progress here!
T: Good, good! Well, our time is up for today; I’ll see you next week. In the meantime, work on owning that emptiness. Get comfortable with it.
(they get up)
P: Okay.
T: Oh, and my receptionist still needs your insurance information.
P: Oh, yeah. I’ll get that from my boss tomorrow. Goodbye, Dr Smith.
T: Goodbye Mr Johnson─
P: ─Andy.
T: Andy.
ANN: How many times does this scene repeat itself in counseling sessions across America every day? Patients drone on, week after week, year after year. All around them, babies are born and people die and buildings are built and presidents are elected and these people just go on and on. How many hours wasted, how much energy expended, how much money squandered on conversations about owning emptiness and feng-shui? What these people need is a good talking to. Listen to what happens to Mr Johnson─
P: Andy.
ANN: ─when Andy visits his local “Stop it! Just stop it!” Therapy Center:
P: You know, Dr Fanning, I lie in bed in the morning, and the cracks in my ceiling remind me of my neuroses. Sometimes they connect to each other and intertwine and make a new bigger crack─just like my neuroses do--and other times they just travel along by themselves until they hit the wall. I can handle it okay when one or two of my neuroses hit the wall, but last week, three came down on me all at once. It was like. . .it was like chunks of plaster falling off the ceiling onto my face. First, I had to go down to the basement. That’s neurosis number one: going underground. I was on my knees getting my cat who had crawled behind the workbench, and there staring me in the face was a hacksaw. Bingo: Neurosis number two. Then--
T: (screams) STOP IT! JUST STOP IT!
P: What?
T: You’re going on and on about your basement and your cat and your hacksaw. Just stop it! My niece just had a toe chopped off, and you have the temerity to prattle on about your ceiling.
P: Well—I’m sorry. I thought I was here to--
T: You’re here to get over it. SO JUST GET OVER IT! JUST CUT IT OUT!
P: Well, all right. I—I guess I could try that.
T: Please do. It’s indescribably tedious! Do you talk like this to your friends?
P: I don’t really have any friends.
T: Well, see? JUST CUT IT OUT! Now go home and paint your ceiing and hang a picture on your wall.
P: Well, all right, Dr Smith. I will!
T: Great. Goodbye. NEXT!?
ANN: See how it works? Five minutes tops; in and out; that’s it. If you or someone you know needs a good talking-to, call the “Stop it! Just stop it!” Therapy Center nearest you. Maybe you just need to hear someone say,
T: “STOP IT! JUST STOP IT!”
