© Adam Granger
FARM SHUI
2-26-03
ANN: This portion of A Prairie Home Companion is brought to you by Farm Shui, aligning your agricultural outbuildings, crops and livestock for better productivity and tastier food.
FARM WOMAN: The first thing I noticed was that our chickens were listless.
[tired chickens]
FARM MAN: They were too pooped to peck. And our rooster just slept in in the morning.
FW: And then Ernie here comes in and says that the soy beans were looking kinda peaked.
FM: If was like they just didn’t care, you know?
FW: Heck, even old Gertie, our John Deere tractor, didin’t want to start.
[tired tractor]
FM: It took eight bucks worth of synthetic oil and a lotta sweet talk to get her to run.
FW: I finally called our Agricultural Extension Agent--
FM: --I thought it was that damned power line they put in through the south forty--
FW: --and he recommended Farm Shui.
FM: I gotta admit, when I first heard about it, I thought it was a lot of farm hooey.
FW: We had this expert from Japan come out to our farm.
FM: Donna says Japan, but I think he was from China.
FW: Anyway, he wasn’t from here. Well, he tells us we got a synergy problem.
FM: I says, “Well, I’m not as young as I used to be, but anyways, I take care of that kind of stuff in church on Sundays”.
FM: But he says, no, he don’t mean that. He says it’s an energy problem caused by the way our farm is laid out. So the first thing he told us to do was to move our chicken house so that it’s perpendicular to the corn crib.
FW: And those chickens started laying more eggs that a casino comedian.
FM: Then he got us to plant our wheat so that it was facing the soy beans.
FW: So the growing energy would flow in the proper cosmic pattern, he said.
FM: A month ago I woulda said he was crazy, but now I’m not so sure. Our soy beans are as high as a pig’s eye.
FW: The only thing he didn’t change was our cattle. He went out to the pasture and they were all standing facing the right direction already.
FM: Yeah, apparently, cows have understood about Farm Shui for years. So anyway, we moved stuff all around: buildings, equipment, livestock. . .
FW: And now our ducks are quacking, our tractor’s purring, our hens are laying, our rooster’s crowing, our hives are buzzing, we’re being overrun with lambs, and our pigs!
[appropriate sound effects]
FM: Yeah! Champion pigs! As far as I’m concerned, they should call it Feng Soooey!
ANN: Folks, that’s just one testimonial from one farm family in one county in one state. All over the country this success is being repeated. Talk to your extension agent to get the name of your Farm Shui agent. Line up greater productivity through happier crops and healthier livestock with Farm Shui.
2-26-03
ANN: This portion of A Prairie Home Companion is brought to you by Farm Shui, aligning your agricultural outbuildings, crops and livestock for better productivity and tastier food.
FARM WOMAN: The first thing I noticed was that our chickens were listless.
[tired chickens]
FARM MAN: They were too pooped to peck. And our rooster just slept in in the morning.
FW: And then Ernie here comes in and says that the soy beans were looking kinda peaked.
FM: If was like they just didn’t care, you know?
FW: Heck, even old Gertie, our John Deere tractor, didin’t want to start.
[tired tractor]
FM: It took eight bucks worth of synthetic oil and a lotta sweet talk to get her to run.
FW: I finally called our Agricultural Extension Agent--
FM: --I thought it was that damned power line they put in through the south forty--
FW: --and he recommended Farm Shui.
FM: I gotta admit, when I first heard about it, I thought it was a lot of farm hooey.
FW: We had this expert from Japan come out to our farm.
FM: Donna says Japan, but I think he was from China.
FW: Anyway, he wasn’t from here. Well, he tells us we got a synergy problem.
FM: I says, “Well, I’m not as young as I used to be, but anyways, I take care of that kind of stuff in church on Sundays”.
FM: But he says, no, he don’t mean that. He says it’s an energy problem caused by the way our farm is laid out. So the first thing he told us to do was to move our chicken house so that it’s perpendicular to the corn crib.
FW: And those chickens started laying more eggs that a casino comedian.
FM: Then he got us to plant our wheat so that it was facing the soy beans.
FW: So the growing energy would flow in the proper cosmic pattern, he said.
FM: A month ago I woulda said he was crazy, but now I’m not so sure. Our soy beans are as high as a pig’s eye.
FW: The only thing he didn’t change was our cattle. He went out to the pasture and they were all standing facing the right direction already.
FM: Yeah, apparently, cows have understood about Farm Shui for years. So anyway, we moved stuff all around: buildings, equipment, livestock. . .
FW: And now our ducks are quacking, our tractor’s purring, our hens are laying, our rooster’s crowing, our hives are buzzing, we’re being overrun with lambs, and our pigs!
[appropriate sound effects]
FM: Yeah! Champion pigs! As far as I’m concerned, they should call it Feng Soooey!
ANN: Folks, that’s just one testimonial from one farm family in one county in one state. All over the country this success is being repeated. Talk to your extension agent to get the name of your Farm Shui agent. Line up greater productivity through happier crops and healthier livestock with Farm Shui.
