THE SCAMCO MOTTOMAT
Time: 3:00
© Adam Granger
ADAM: Boy, Pop, we've had a great time doing the Cedar Social, haven't we? There've been some great moments.
POP: Yeah, there's been some great music, too.
ADAM: And wonderful singing. . .
POP: Say, Adam, this is beginning to sound like a eulogy. Do you know something I don't?
ADAM: . . .And some fantastic sponsors--
POP: Now it's beginning to sound like a commercial!
ADAM: --Like the fine folks at Scamco--
POP: I should have known
ADAM: Makers of the Personal Filter, the Cerebromat--
POP: Yes, we have basked in their wonders
ADAM: --And now, makers of the Mottomat!
POP: The Mottomat?
ADAM: Yes, Pop, the Mottomat. Folks, have you ever been at a party and had the feeling that there was a certain something you could say that would sort of brilliantly wrap up the whole evening? You know, like, "Well, you know what they say: 'Fools rush in where angels fear to trod'."
POP: It's funny that you would choose that particular saying, Adam. . .
ADAM: Well, Scamco proudly introduces the Mottomat. (Holds up)
POP: That looks a lot like the Personal Filter and the Cerebromat
ADAM: Why mess with classic styling and impeccable lines, Padre?
POP: So let me guess: you put this thing on your head, flip a few switches, and you're the hit of the party?
ADAM: Not just the hit of the party, Pop. The board meeting, the coffee klatch, the luncheon, the Bar Mitzvah. The Scamco Mottomat will stuff you so full of clever and witty mottoes that you'll feel like a copy of the Farmer's Almanac.
POP: I'll take your word for it, Adam. . .
ADAM: You can do better than that, Pop! You can try it out yourself!
POP: No thanks.
ADAM: Come on, Scamco is a hard-hitting sponsor with a consistent reputation.
POP: I know, that's what I'm worried about.
ADAM: We'll just slip it on, here. (Puts it on Pop) There were some complaints about lacerations of the face from some switches that were sticking through the wall of the earlier models, but that's pretty much been fixed. There we go. Now we'll set the Wit Factor to, oh, seven, and turn it on, and give her about five seconds. There we go. (Removes Mottomat) Now we'll throw some test conversation samples Pop's way and see what happens:
"My gas bill was two hundred dollars last month!"
POP: Well, you know what they say, Adam: "It's an ill wind that blows a horse to water."
ADAM: Have you read Larry McMurtry's latest book?
POP: It's like my grandpa always said: "Behind every great man lies a silver lining."
ADAM: "Boy, how 'bout those Twins!"
POP: I think I can put it best this way: A stitch in time keeps the doctor away.
ADAM: Well, folks, it almost works.
POP: Why make lemonade when you can catch the worm?
ADAM: Results may vary, so try it for yourself. That's the Mottomat from Scamco: Made in Minnesota, by Minnesotans, for Minnesotans.
POP: And remember, folks, You can lead a horse to water, but never the twain shall meet.
Time: 3:00
© Adam Granger
ADAM: Boy, Pop, we've had a great time doing the Cedar Social, haven't we? There've been some great moments.
POP: Yeah, there's been some great music, too.
ADAM: And wonderful singing. . .
POP: Say, Adam, this is beginning to sound like a eulogy. Do you know something I don't?
ADAM: . . .And some fantastic sponsors--
POP: Now it's beginning to sound like a commercial!
ADAM: --Like the fine folks at Scamco--
POP: I should have known
ADAM: Makers of the Personal Filter, the Cerebromat--
POP: Yes, we have basked in their wonders
ADAM: --And now, makers of the Mottomat!
POP: The Mottomat?
ADAM: Yes, Pop, the Mottomat. Folks, have you ever been at a party and had the feeling that there was a certain something you could say that would sort of brilliantly wrap up the whole evening? You know, like, "Well, you know what they say: 'Fools rush in where angels fear to trod'."
POP: It's funny that you would choose that particular saying, Adam. . .
ADAM: Well, Scamco proudly introduces the Mottomat. (Holds up)
POP: That looks a lot like the Personal Filter and the Cerebromat
ADAM: Why mess with classic styling and impeccable lines, Padre?
POP: So let me guess: you put this thing on your head, flip a few switches, and you're the hit of the party?
ADAM: Not just the hit of the party, Pop. The board meeting, the coffee klatch, the luncheon, the Bar Mitzvah. The Scamco Mottomat will stuff you so full of clever and witty mottoes that you'll feel like a copy of the Farmer's Almanac.
POP: I'll take your word for it, Adam. . .
ADAM: You can do better than that, Pop! You can try it out yourself!
POP: No thanks.
ADAM: Come on, Scamco is a hard-hitting sponsor with a consistent reputation.
POP: I know, that's what I'm worried about.
ADAM: We'll just slip it on, here. (Puts it on Pop) There were some complaints about lacerations of the face from some switches that were sticking through the wall of the earlier models, but that's pretty much been fixed. There we go. Now we'll set the Wit Factor to, oh, seven, and turn it on, and give her about five seconds. There we go. (Removes Mottomat) Now we'll throw some test conversation samples Pop's way and see what happens:
"My gas bill was two hundred dollars last month!"
POP: Well, you know what they say, Adam: "It's an ill wind that blows a horse to water."
ADAM: Have you read Larry McMurtry's latest book?
POP: It's like my grandpa always said: "Behind every great man lies a silver lining."
ADAM: "Boy, how 'bout those Twins!"
POP: I think I can put it best this way: A stitch in time keeps the doctor away.
ADAM: Well, folks, it almost works.
POP: Why make lemonade when you can catch the worm?
ADAM: Results may vary, so try it for yourself. That's the Mottomat from Scamco: Made in Minnesota, by Minnesotans, for Minnesotans.
POP: And remember, folks, You can lead a horse to water, but never the twain shall meet.