© Adam Granger
CABLE CRUISING #2 11-21-93
running time: 5:00
POP: And now, it's time for "Cable Cruising", our regular look at cable programming that we're afraid you'll miss.
ADAM: "Cable Cruising", where we tell you what you could be watching instead of this show. . .
POP: "Cable Cruising" is brought to you by Buck the Baby Namer.
ADAM: Friends, are you expecting? Well, first of all, congratulations! And now, let's get down to business: Times have changed. It's a more complicated world, and you are a very busy person. I mean, you'll be putting your baby in day care right away, won't you? And hiring a diaper service? And you're going to use baby sitters at night so you can get some quality time for yourself? Heck, it's a miracle you even found the time to get pregnant, isn't it?! So, what makes you think you have time--or the training, for that matter--to come up with a name for your baby?
POP: We can't help with the diaper service and the day care, but now, for an amazingly low price, you can call Buck the Baby Namer and turn over the cerebrally-challenging labor-intensive cost-inefficient baby-naming process to him!
ADAM: You wouldn't try doing your own dry cleaning, would you? Or overhauling your own transmission? Take the worry--and the risk--out of naming your baby. What if you blew it and named the kid Mabel or Egbert? Buck's a professional: he's been naming babies for over twenty years! Call Buck! And now, "Cable Cruising":
POP: This week on the Alternative Sports Channel, the qualifying heats for the twelve-man luge will be aired all day Saturday. At noon on Sunday, they'll re-broadcast the popular show, "The American League: Who Spits and Who Doesn't?"
ADAM: Tuesday night on the Dyslexic Channel, "How to Train Your God to Fetch Your Slippers." And this week on Stupid Court Case T.V., a Baltimore woman is suing her cat Freckles because Freckles missed the litter box while going number one--excuse me, allegedly missed the litter box while going number one. In addition to suffering emotional damage, the woman injured her back while cleaning the mess up. Freckles the cat is being represented by the SPCA, and is countersuing for alienation of affection.
POP: This week, the Interstate Highway Station will train their camera on a stretch of Interstate 35 between Cameron, Missouri and Eagleville, Iowa, so if you're driving through there, stick as much of your torso as possible out the window and yell and wave wildly with both hands, and maybe you'll get on T.V.
ADAM: There'll be a new network starting up this week: It's called The Barney Network, and it promises to have something for everyone. During the day, the network will air nonstop programming featuring the big lovable-but-slow purple dinosaur--he'll be doing everything from giving traffic and weather reports to interviewing personalities like Barbra Streisand and George Foreman. Then, in their evening programming, The Barney Network will feature recently-discovered R-rated episodes of "The Andy Griffith Show", featuring Barney Fife. Those shows include "Barney Discovers Thelma Lou's Sordid Past", "Otis the Town Drunk Gets Hooked on Heroin" and "Andy Smokes Dope and Shoots Craps in Raleigh".
POP: And now, highlights of public access programming: this week on "Make It with Lint", host Gretchen Smalley demonstrates how to make gargoyles for the scale model of the Cathedral of Notre Dame that she's been working on. You'll be able to see how she fastens them on using the popular "baby spit" method. That's "Make It with Lint", on channel 104 at 3 a.m. Monday.
ADAM: I used to watch that show, but I gave it up for Lent. Wednesday night at eight o'clock on channel 172, the popular children's show, "Let's Count Bricks", will broadcast live from the Minneapolis Armory. Minneapolis mayor-elect Sharon Sayles Belton will make a special celebrity appearance to count lintels.
POP: And, our Cable Catch for this week, Channel 1,617 will air live the proceedings of the Venezuelan Parliament, which is debating whether or not to select as its national anthem "Venezuela, My Venezuela", a song written and submitted by pop singer Boy George.
ADAM: You know, for Spanish-speaking fans of Boy George, that's probably a real cable find. Well, that's "Cable Cruising", brought to you by Buck the Baby Namer. Don't try to find the time to name your baby when you're barely going to have time to kiss what's-its-name goodnight!
POP: Let Buck do it! Buck's special sale names this month are "Caitlin" and "Hunter". Call Buck today. If you call from your car phone you can take an extra ten percent off of Buck's already-low prices--
ADAM: --Take twenty percent off if you're stuck in traffic when you call!
"Don't say "No"; don't say "Maybe"
Hire old Buck to name your baby!"
running time: 5:00
POP: And now, it's time for "Cable Cruising", our regular look at cable programming that we're afraid you'll miss.
ADAM: "Cable Cruising", where we tell you what you could be watching instead of this show. . .
POP: "Cable Cruising" is brought to you by Buck the Baby Namer.
ADAM: Friends, are you expecting? Well, first of all, congratulations! And now, let's get down to business: Times have changed. It's a more complicated world, and you are a very busy person. I mean, you'll be putting your baby in day care right away, won't you? And hiring a diaper service? And you're going to use baby sitters at night so you can get some quality time for yourself? Heck, it's a miracle you even found the time to get pregnant, isn't it?! So, what makes you think you have time--or the training, for that matter--to come up with a name for your baby?
POP: We can't help with the diaper service and the day care, but now, for an amazingly low price, you can call Buck the Baby Namer and turn over the cerebrally-challenging labor-intensive cost-inefficient baby-naming process to him!
ADAM: You wouldn't try doing your own dry cleaning, would you? Or overhauling your own transmission? Take the worry--and the risk--out of naming your baby. What if you blew it and named the kid Mabel or Egbert? Buck's a professional: he's been naming babies for over twenty years! Call Buck! And now, "Cable Cruising":
POP: This week on the Alternative Sports Channel, the qualifying heats for the twelve-man luge will be aired all day Saturday. At noon on Sunday, they'll re-broadcast the popular show, "The American League: Who Spits and Who Doesn't?"
ADAM: Tuesday night on the Dyslexic Channel, "How to Train Your God to Fetch Your Slippers." And this week on Stupid Court Case T.V., a Baltimore woman is suing her cat Freckles because Freckles missed the litter box while going number one--excuse me, allegedly missed the litter box while going number one. In addition to suffering emotional damage, the woman injured her back while cleaning the mess up. Freckles the cat is being represented by the SPCA, and is countersuing for alienation of affection.
POP: This week, the Interstate Highway Station will train their camera on a stretch of Interstate 35 between Cameron, Missouri and Eagleville, Iowa, so if you're driving through there, stick as much of your torso as possible out the window and yell and wave wildly with both hands, and maybe you'll get on T.V.
ADAM: There'll be a new network starting up this week: It's called The Barney Network, and it promises to have something for everyone. During the day, the network will air nonstop programming featuring the big lovable-but-slow purple dinosaur--he'll be doing everything from giving traffic and weather reports to interviewing personalities like Barbra Streisand and George Foreman. Then, in their evening programming, The Barney Network will feature recently-discovered R-rated episodes of "The Andy Griffith Show", featuring Barney Fife. Those shows include "Barney Discovers Thelma Lou's Sordid Past", "Otis the Town Drunk Gets Hooked on Heroin" and "Andy Smokes Dope and Shoots Craps in Raleigh".
POP: And now, highlights of public access programming: this week on "Make It with Lint", host Gretchen Smalley demonstrates how to make gargoyles for the scale model of the Cathedral of Notre Dame that she's been working on. You'll be able to see how she fastens them on using the popular "baby spit" method. That's "Make It with Lint", on channel 104 at 3 a.m. Monday.
ADAM: I used to watch that show, but I gave it up for Lent. Wednesday night at eight o'clock on channel 172, the popular children's show, "Let's Count Bricks", will broadcast live from the Minneapolis Armory. Minneapolis mayor-elect Sharon Sayles Belton will make a special celebrity appearance to count lintels.
POP: And, our Cable Catch for this week, Channel 1,617 will air live the proceedings of the Venezuelan Parliament, which is debating whether or not to select as its national anthem "Venezuela, My Venezuela", a song written and submitted by pop singer Boy George.
ADAM: You know, for Spanish-speaking fans of Boy George, that's probably a real cable find. Well, that's "Cable Cruising", brought to you by Buck the Baby Namer. Don't try to find the time to name your baby when you're barely going to have time to kiss what's-its-name goodnight!
POP: Let Buck do it! Buck's special sale names this month are "Caitlin" and "Hunter". Call Buck today. If you call from your car phone you can take an extra ten percent off of Buck's already-low prices--
ADAM: --Take twenty percent off if you're stuck in traffic when you call!
"Don't say "No"; don't say "Maybe"
Hire old Buck to name your baby!"