© Adam Granger
POP SELLS HIS HOUSE--2-19-95
ADAM: Well, folks, you never quite know what's coming up next on the Cedar Social--
POP: Yeah. Speaking of that, Adam, I'd just like to mention that I have a house for sale.
ADAM: A house for sale?
POP: Yes.
ADAM: Pop, when I said you never how what's coming up next, I wasn't inviting you to do a personal commercial. . .
POP: I prefer to think of it as a public service. I have a house for sale; someone out there wants to buy a house. What could be nobler than hooking the two of us up?
ADAM: We don't really have time-
POP: (whips out paper) I'll just be a minute here, Adam. Folks, have you been looking for that certain special cozy little start-up home? Well, this home is not only started-up, it's half-finished! Each of its four bedrooms is completely different from the next, filled with interesting angles and delightful eccentricities.
ADAM: Yeah, the carpenter who built your house figured that if he could put his gin bottle down on a surface and it didn't tip over, it must be level.
POP: You never did like that old house of ours, did you?
ADAM: Well, it was an adventure, I'll say that for it. Remember the time you put up my nephew for a few days? You know, the Boy Scout?
POP: Yes.
ADAM: He got a merit badge, just for staying in your house!
POP: All right, all right. . . Well, let me continue: The living room is illuminated naturally by numerous non-reflecting skylights--
ADAM: Non-reflecting? Pop, they're non-reflecting because they don't have any glass in them. You're talking about the holes in your roof!
POP: Call 'em what you want, Adam. The indisputable fact is that when you look up you'll see a view not seen in many living rooms. And this house features a "free choice" kitchen!
ADAM: Well, that sounds like a feature for the nineties. Exactly what is a "free choice" kitchen?
POP: You can run the toaster, or you can run the microwave, or you can turn on any two lights. Free choice!
ADAM: Look, Pop, you're a good friend. I've weathered all sorts of hassles with your entrepreneurial projects over the years. There was the flap with the Food and Drug Administration over those "Long Little Doggies" foot-long hot dogs you were selling at your Chuck's Pop Wagon Restaurants last year--
POP: That's Pop's Chuck Wagon, Adam, and that was just a semantical misunderstanding.
ADAM: Right. Apparently, you didn't understand the meaning of the word "meat". And how about that cookbook you were promoting: "Pop Goes the Kitchen"?
POP: Now that one wasn't my fault! There were some typos in the manuscript-
ADAM: Yeah, well, the whole book was one big typo if you ask me. I made your "Alum Crisp" and couldn't talk for a week. And the way you described your Suet Bologna Hot Dish as being an excellent source of fat".
POP: Well, it is!
ADAM: Well, anyway, I don't want to get in trouble over this, Pop. I don't want any more guys with suits and briefcases knocking on my door-
POP: All right, all right. Folks, you know where to reach me; call me if you're interested in a house. . .
ADAM: And speaking of interesting. . .
[no big laugh line or applause at the end of this one; we just introduce the the next act]
ADAM: Well, folks, you never quite know what's coming up next on the Cedar Social--
POP: Yeah. Speaking of that, Adam, I'd just like to mention that I have a house for sale.
ADAM: A house for sale?
POP: Yes.
ADAM: Pop, when I said you never how what's coming up next, I wasn't inviting you to do a personal commercial. . .
POP: I prefer to think of it as a public service. I have a house for sale; someone out there wants to buy a house. What could be nobler than hooking the two of us up?
ADAM: We don't really have time-
POP: (whips out paper) I'll just be a minute here, Adam. Folks, have you been looking for that certain special cozy little start-up home? Well, this home is not only started-up, it's half-finished! Each of its four bedrooms is completely different from the next, filled with interesting angles and delightful eccentricities.
ADAM: Yeah, the carpenter who built your house figured that if he could put his gin bottle down on a surface and it didn't tip over, it must be level.
POP: You never did like that old house of ours, did you?
ADAM: Well, it was an adventure, I'll say that for it. Remember the time you put up my nephew for a few days? You know, the Boy Scout?
POP: Yes.
ADAM: He got a merit badge, just for staying in your house!
POP: All right, all right. . . Well, let me continue: The living room is illuminated naturally by numerous non-reflecting skylights--
ADAM: Non-reflecting? Pop, they're non-reflecting because they don't have any glass in them. You're talking about the holes in your roof!
POP: Call 'em what you want, Adam. The indisputable fact is that when you look up you'll see a view not seen in many living rooms. And this house features a "free choice" kitchen!
ADAM: Well, that sounds like a feature for the nineties. Exactly what is a "free choice" kitchen?
POP: You can run the toaster, or you can run the microwave, or you can turn on any two lights. Free choice!
ADAM: Look, Pop, you're a good friend. I've weathered all sorts of hassles with your entrepreneurial projects over the years. There was the flap with the Food and Drug Administration over those "Long Little Doggies" foot-long hot dogs you were selling at your Chuck's Pop Wagon Restaurants last year--
POP: That's Pop's Chuck Wagon, Adam, and that was just a semantical misunderstanding.
ADAM: Right. Apparently, you didn't understand the meaning of the word "meat". And how about that cookbook you were promoting: "Pop Goes the Kitchen"?
POP: Now that one wasn't my fault! There were some typos in the manuscript-
ADAM: Yeah, well, the whole book was one big typo if you ask me. I made your "Alum Crisp" and couldn't talk for a week. And the way you described your Suet Bologna Hot Dish as being an excellent source of fat".
POP: Well, it is!
ADAM: Well, anyway, I don't want to get in trouble over this, Pop. I don't want any more guys with suits and briefcases knocking on my door-
POP: All right, all right. Folks, you know where to reach me; call me if you're interested in a house. . .
ADAM: And speaking of interesting. . .
[no big laugh line or applause at the end of this one; we just introduce the the next act]