© Adam Granger
THE CEDAR SOCIAL BACK FENCE--11-21-93
running time:
ADAM: And now, it's time for the Cedar Social Back Fence, where we catch you up on the comings and goings, the gossip and the lowdown, and the good, the bad and the ugly in Cedar Social Land. The Cedar Social Back Fence is brought to you by Retrospecs, fifties-style glasses that are way too expensive and way too ugly: Glasses that you buy and wear. And now, the Cedar Social Back Fence.
POP: Thanks, Adam. For our first Back Fence item, The Wallace Armstrongs, of Tulsa, Oklahoma visited the Henry Johnsons in St. Bonifacius last week. Tuesday night they all saw slides of the Armstrongs' recent trip to Oklahoma City, Wednesday they drank martinis and played Frank Sinatra records real loud, Thursday they ate steamed okra and watched Mannix reruns and Friday Mrs. Wallace Armstrong won a stuffed iguana in the St. Bonifacius Municipal Bar Karaoke Contest. She sang "Proud Mary". The Henry Johnsons drove the Wallace Armstrongs to the airport on Saturday, where their plane took off twenty-five minutes late . . .
ADAM: . . .Man, with a report like that, I'm surprised they didn't tell us what the in-flight movie was.
POP: I wasn't finished. The inflight movie was Basic Instincts.
ADAM: Mabel Hanson, of Nerstrand, would like her ceramic unicorn lawn decoration back, no questions asked. It brings her good luck, which she has had none of since the unicorn's theft. Her bursitis is back and her youngest son has been diagnosed as a slow learner. If possible, she would like it back before her son's midterm exams.
POP: Ernest Mooney of Inver Grove Heights reports that his brother E.Z. Mooney, an airline pilot, accidentally landed his Boeing 727 at Sioux Falls instead of Grand Forks last week, and none of the passengers noticed.
ADAM: No one noticed?
POP: No. They got their luggage, got into waiting cars and taxis and drove off, apparently none the wiser.
ADAM: And now a public service note: Wally's Hardware in Corcoran reports that the twelve-foot tall polyurethane chicken that one of his customers ordered has arrived. He lost the paperwork, and doesn't know who ordered it, but he would very much like them to come and pick it up.
POP: I wonder if they'd sell it cheap to me if the person who ordered it doesn't show up to claim it?
ADAM: Pop, what would you want with a twelve-foot tall chicken?
POP: I could use it at Pop's Chuck Wagon Restaurants to advertise our new appetizer: steamed chicken gullets.
ADAM: Let's cut with the free advertising for Chuck's Pop Wagon--
POP: --that's Pop's Chuck Wagon, Adam--
ADAM: Right. Whatever. Let's get back to the Back Fence, what do you say. . .
POP: All right. Clarence and Ardis Hornsby, of Long Lake, recently took their granddaughter Chelsea to Disney World, where highlights included Clarence getting lost for two days on the Jungle Ride and Chelsea throwing up on Mickey Mouse's foot.
ADAM: Ernest LaPlant, of Elk River, is filling in his air raid shelter with concrete--this after his wife's chow-chow Buffy fell in accidently and couldn't get out. Ernest says that there are six months' worth of World War Two vintage K-rations up for grabs out on his boulevard.
POP: Gladys Bledsoe of East Hamel reports that her granddaughter Caitlin, who lives in Chicago, appeared last week in her grade school's theatrical recreation of the Battle of El Alamein. Caitlin played General Rommel.
ADAM: And finally, there'll be a grand opening in Lakeville of a combination service station, convenience store and church this weekend. The 24-hour establishment is called Gas, Guzzle and God, and is the brainchild of Lakeville entrepreneur Morris Hyland, who dreamed up the idea after accidentally buying a thousand Bibles and twelve cases of Yoo-Hoos at a railroad salvage auction.
POP: And that's the Cedar Social Back Fence, brought to you by Retrospecs: Goofy styles, goofy shapes, goofy prices. Retrospecs: they were ugly in the fifties, and they're even uglier now!
ADAM: If you've got money to burn, and don't think you look ugly enough, come to Retrospecs. They're located anywhere people go to waste money.
[NOTE: There is now a chain of eyeglass stores called Retrospecs]
running time:
ADAM: And now, it's time for the Cedar Social Back Fence, where we catch you up on the comings and goings, the gossip and the lowdown, and the good, the bad and the ugly in Cedar Social Land. The Cedar Social Back Fence is brought to you by Retrospecs, fifties-style glasses that are way too expensive and way too ugly: Glasses that you buy and wear. And now, the Cedar Social Back Fence.
POP: Thanks, Adam. For our first Back Fence item, The Wallace Armstrongs, of Tulsa, Oklahoma visited the Henry Johnsons in St. Bonifacius last week. Tuesday night they all saw slides of the Armstrongs' recent trip to Oklahoma City, Wednesday they drank martinis and played Frank Sinatra records real loud, Thursday they ate steamed okra and watched Mannix reruns and Friday Mrs. Wallace Armstrong won a stuffed iguana in the St. Bonifacius Municipal Bar Karaoke Contest. She sang "Proud Mary". The Henry Johnsons drove the Wallace Armstrongs to the airport on Saturday, where their plane took off twenty-five minutes late . . .
ADAM: . . .Man, with a report like that, I'm surprised they didn't tell us what the in-flight movie was.
POP: I wasn't finished. The inflight movie was Basic Instincts.
ADAM: Mabel Hanson, of Nerstrand, would like her ceramic unicorn lawn decoration back, no questions asked. It brings her good luck, which she has had none of since the unicorn's theft. Her bursitis is back and her youngest son has been diagnosed as a slow learner. If possible, she would like it back before her son's midterm exams.
POP: Ernest Mooney of Inver Grove Heights reports that his brother E.Z. Mooney, an airline pilot, accidentally landed his Boeing 727 at Sioux Falls instead of Grand Forks last week, and none of the passengers noticed.
ADAM: No one noticed?
POP: No. They got their luggage, got into waiting cars and taxis and drove off, apparently none the wiser.
ADAM: And now a public service note: Wally's Hardware in Corcoran reports that the twelve-foot tall polyurethane chicken that one of his customers ordered has arrived. He lost the paperwork, and doesn't know who ordered it, but he would very much like them to come and pick it up.
POP: I wonder if they'd sell it cheap to me if the person who ordered it doesn't show up to claim it?
ADAM: Pop, what would you want with a twelve-foot tall chicken?
POP: I could use it at Pop's Chuck Wagon Restaurants to advertise our new appetizer: steamed chicken gullets.
ADAM: Let's cut with the free advertising for Chuck's Pop Wagon--
POP: --that's Pop's Chuck Wagon, Adam--
ADAM: Right. Whatever. Let's get back to the Back Fence, what do you say. . .
POP: All right. Clarence and Ardis Hornsby, of Long Lake, recently took their granddaughter Chelsea to Disney World, where highlights included Clarence getting lost for two days on the Jungle Ride and Chelsea throwing up on Mickey Mouse's foot.
ADAM: Ernest LaPlant, of Elk River, is filling in his air raid shelter with concrete--this after his wife's chow-chow Buffy fell in accidently and couldn't get out. Ernest says that there are six months' worth of World War Two vintage K-rations up for grabs out on his boulevard.
POP: Gladys Bledsoe of East Hamel reports that her granddaughter Caitlin, who lives in Chicago, appeared last week in her grade school's theatrical recreation of the Battle of El Alamein. Caitlin played General Rommel.
ADAM: And finally, there'll be a grand opening in Lakeville of a combination service station, convenience store and church this weekend. The 24-hour establishment is called Gas, Guzzle and God, and is the brainchild of Lakeville entrepreneur Morris Hyland, who dreamed up the idea after accidentally buying a thousand Bibles and twelve cases of Yoo-Hoos at a railroad salvage auction.
POP: And that's the Cedar Social Back Fence, brought to you by Retrospecs: Goofy styles, goofy shapes, goofy prices. Retrospecs: they were ugly in the fifties, and they're even uglier now!
ADAM: If you've got money to burn, and don't think you look ugly enough, come to Retrospecs. They're located anywhere people go to waste money.
[NOTE: There is now a chain of eyeglass stores called Retrospecs]